For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day

Give yourself a hug, flowers or whatever makes you happy.

john pavlovitz

Tear

Today is Mother’s Day.

For many people that means flowers and handmade cards and brunches and hugs and laughter. It means celebration and gratitude and rejoicing.

But for some it just means tears.

For many moms and adult children out there, this day is a stark unsolicited reminder of what was but no longer is, or it is a heavy holiday of mourning what never was at all.

This day might bring with it the scalding sting of grief for the empty chair around a table.

It might come with choking regret for a relationship that has been horribly severed.

It might be a day of looking around at other mothers and other children, and feeling the unwelcome intrusion of jealousy that comes with comparison.

Consider this a love letter to you who are struggling today; you whose Mother’s Day experience might be rather bittersweet— or perhaps only bitter.

This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart…

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Happy Birthday Blog

Ok, I know y’all are saying….what?! Two posts in the same month, back to back?! Well, I’m noting a special occasion and that is….

Happy 5th Birthday to my blog!! It’s special day was actually yesterday February 8th.

Wow…5 years! I can’t believe it has been that long. And a few of you have been with me for the entire 5 years.

I want to thank all of you, whether you’ve been here with me from day 1 when I was on Blogger or have joined me since my move to WordPress a year ago. I really appreciate all of you as y’all have made this writing thang a wonderful addition to my life. 🙂

The Unspoken Contract of Elder Care and Their Lifestyle Health Issues

Warning: This Area Contains Tobacco Smoke

Warning: This Area Contains Tobacco Smoke (Photo credit: tbone_sandwich)

 

I’m no health expert or any kind of expert for that matter nor do I pretend to be one on this blog. I just talk about things the way that I see and experience them firsthand, which will sometimes ruffle feathers because as I mentioned in my last post, I don’t always follow status quo thinking especially when it makes absolutely no sense. You know how the saying goes ” the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result”.

What I want to talk about today is the unspoken contract of adult children caring for their aging parents/relatives, specifically elders with chronic health issues that are “accepted” as issues that come along with aging. Though seemingly unrelated, this is a continuation of my last post as it ties into the general point I am making. And that is the program we’ve been given to follow is imploding under its own weight and is no longer viable. Not that it ever was in the first place. The only reason its been able to continue in the state is has is because only a brave few had the gonads to question it and when they did, they faced being ostracized by society. Also because of the numbers of those benefitting from going along to get along were far greater, even though they did not realize the benefits they were getting would later be ripped away because it can’t be sustained. No living being can defy natural law.

If one does just a little research, they’ll find that diet and lifestyle plays a huge role in health and well-being. Many of the labeled dis-eases are preventable and where there are “inheritances”, the switch can be kept in the “Off” position by diet and lifestyle. The sad thing about this is that a lot of this research is not new as in the recent decade. For example, I remember as a small child back in the 70s (yep, I’m seasoned) commercials on TV from the Surgeon General about the dangers of cigarette smoking and secondhand smoke. There are other studies about missing nutrients and health that date back to the 1930s! Waaay before my time…but I think you see what I mean. Now granted some of the research is skewed, which is why one should check who is doing or more importantly, funding the research. Follow the money.

Getting back to my point, its unreasonable and utterly selfish to expect adult children to care for their parents when they (the parents) have lived a lifestyle of smoking, drinking alcohol and/or the SAD (Standard American Diet) for decades and steadily refusing to change their habits when this knowledge has been easily accessible. Maybe not as accessible as it is today but the library was and is still around so there really is no excuse.

Now I know this seems like imposing control or taking away somebody’s right to live the way they choose. Nope, not at all as I’m a live and let live kind of person. If you want to sniff glue, formaldehyde, paint thinner, eat bacon, one at a time or all at once, it makes no difference to me as long as YOU suffer the consequences that come along with that choice that YOU made. Just as this is your right, it is also the right of the adult child to choose not to devote their resources (one of their most precious resources is time) having to deal with you. Sorry parents but this is not a one way street as you have manipulated it to be when the child was under the legal age to enter into a contract.

In rebuttal there have been statements made to me directly and indirectly “Aunt Mary smoked for 60 years and lived to age 92”, “Grandma grew up eating sausage, bacon, pork chops and eggs every morning” or Grandpa drank for years and lived ’til 80″ etc.

When I hear statements like this I chuckle under my breath because it immediately tells me they want to justify continuing their behavior followed by guilt inducing statements to continue or start the adult child’s help. Also it’s pretty well-known that most folks did not live past 70 and the few that did live past those ages living that kind of lifestyle did not live totally independent of some kind of family help.

I’ve even heard older folks say” I’m gonna keep smoking,drinking, whatever and if I get sick, my kids better take care of me”.

Excuse Me???!!!!!!!

Need I say it? Most definitely to be continued…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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It’s Herbal Tea Time!

Hey y’all! I hope that everyone is doing well.

I thought I’d share a tea that I’ve been drinking since the summer of 2011. What 2011?!! This is 2013!  I was reminded by a post from a wonderful friend of mine and health blogger Evelyn Parham last year I believe. Yeah, I’ve been holding out on y’all. Charge it to my head and not my heart as I really did forget to post about it.

So what’s in this tea? Here’s the rundown:

  • Hibiscus Flower
  • Elderberries

    Ripe elderberries (Sambucus) in Rochester, Min...

    Ripe elderberries (Sambucus) in Rochester, Minnesota (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Elder Flowers
  • Nettle
  • Oatstraw Tops
  • Lemon Balm

    English: lemon balm officalis saint andrews se...

    English: lemon balm officalis saint andrews sewanee school herb garden (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Red Clover Tops

    Red Clover

    Red Clover (Photo credit: MFCarter)

  • Red Raspberry Leaf (I’ve been out of this for a while)

All are dried herbs except for the Lemon Balm which I have growing in a pot on my deck. If you’ve read some of my posts, you’ll notice that some of the herbs listed are herbs I use in my herbal hair concoctions. Yes, the very same herbs.

I put the herbs and water in a pot on low heat for min 30 min, sometimes longer. Now y’all know I’m not a stickler on measurements but I use the same spoon which is a little bigger than a teaspoon. I put in 4 parts (my teaspoon) of hibiscus, elderberries, and nettle, 3 parts of everything else and a few leaves of Lemon Balm. I let the pot cool down and place it in the fridge, straining  the plant material out in the next day or two. The boiler that I use yields about 40 ounces of tea.

The elderberries have some sweetness to them so the tea is sweet enough for me therefore I don’t add anything like honey, agave etc. And of course I drink this as my cold beverage.

What herbal teas are you guys drinking?


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Happy 2013! Leaving the Old Hair Attitudes Behind

Hey everyone! I hope that you had a wonderful holiday season and are coming into the new year well.

Wow, it’s already 2013! I don’t know ’bout y’all but 2012 went outta here with a quickness.

this woman had incredibly long dreadlocks

this woman had incredibly long dreadlocks (Photo credit: supafly)

Y’all in 2013 we are still dealing with the thought that black women cannot grow long hair. Now I don’t consider my long and yes it’s longer than it’s ever been. Sadly, this backwards attitude is coming from the older generation.

I attended an annual family gathering and this one person has seen me every year since I started my braidlocks almost 4 1/2 years ago. Last year, this same person asked me if this was all my hair. And this year as soon as she saw me she said, “I can’t believe that your hair is that long”.

Huh…this is 2013 right?! ***shaking my head***  And to myself I’m saying, “Wait til you see me next year”.

There is another thing that I’ve heard that bugs me to no end. It’s the notion that older women should cut their hair short. Really?! What’s the reasoning behind that?

Are any of you still experiencing backwards attitudes towards your hair?

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What Inspires me to Blog?

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Blogging Heroes

Blogging Heroes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What inspires me to blog? I do it for a number of reasons. I like sharing information as I’m interested in a wide and I do mean wide array of things. Now I was first inspired to start blogging about my braidlock/dreadlocks journey because I wanted to share my perspective as a middle age woman embarking on this journey. I wanted to show other middle age ladies and anybody else for that matter if they wanted small/micro dreadlocks that they too could have them.  Also I wanted to give back to the blogging community as they were my main source of information while researching how to start and maintain dreadlocks. Later, I started blogging about other topics as I believe everything is connected.

Community is the another reason why I blog. I love “meeting” and getting to know people who if I were not blogging, I would not otherwise get to communicate with. The wonderful people who comment live all over the country as I live in the US but I also hear from quite a few outside of the US. That is absolutely amazing to me!  And a blog is much more personable as people can comment to their heart’s content and not be limited to a few hundred characters. Oh man…the comments are like a goldmine. Many times I have gotten inspiration for new posts from the comments. One such comment inspired my “How I Got Out of Debt” series.

Middle Age Market -  - 06

Middle Age Market – – 06 (Photo credit: marcospozo)

It is my belief that each and every person has gifts/wisdom that is vital to the whole of civilization. In sharing what we know with each other we can make it through this thing called Life.  I talked about this from another angle in my post Diversity is Natural Law.   When I see a regular person has done something, it shows me that maybe it’s not so difficult. If I determine that I can’t or don’t want to do it that way,  I’ll take the info I can use and come up with what I can do. Then I blog about it, though not as often as I should as I’m kinda shy.

A voracious appetite for knowledge and the need to break out of my shell is  another reason why I’ve been inspired to blog…maybe I should look for the local Information Horders Anonymous. lol  Blogging has helped this shy person who thought she had nothing that anybody was interesting in hearing, blossom and grow.

Knowledge, gathered from real life experiences through making mistakes, or trying something new is POWER! POWER shared,  is true power indeed.  There is always something new to learn and share so I guess that means I will be blogging more. And I don’t mind that at all.

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Internet Update

Internets = srs.biz. Parody motivator.

Internets = srs.biz. Parody motivator. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hey, what’s been going on?! Just wanted to pop in to update y’all on my internet situation. I spoke about it here.

Sooo, I decided to keep my home internet for personal reasons…for now.  Let me clarify that if I had decided to cut the cord, it would not mean I would be without internet access. Oh, no!  Only under severe circumstances would I go completely without. Man, I hope that does not make me sound like an internet information junkie. 😉

I wanted to test out the internet on my new phone. I have been using it for all my browsing except for,typing long replies in forums, YouTube video watching, and listening to podcasts.  The last two items use mega amounts of data so I use the wi-fi feature on the phone to download videos and podcasts.  I’ll  go into further detail when I do a review on the phone later.

Surprisingly, it’s not that bad to surf the web on. Even though it’s a pretty small screen, there’s a cool feature on it that zooms in and resizes the page to fit the screen according to the print size. Of course, I discovered this by accident. lol

It is quite nice to know that if the need arises, I can cut the cord and still pretty much have internet access at home or wherever.

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Trying Something New

Hey guys! I know it’s been awhile since my last post. Been a little busy trying to be me. lol

I’m sittin’ at the library trying out a new internet situation. What do I mean by that…I know that’s what y’all are sayin’ ?! Well, I’m seriously thinking about getting rid of my internet service and using the public library free wi-fi hotspot instead. Right now I’m typing this post on my Blackberry Playbook tablet while downloading YouTube videos to my phone. It’s a bit different typing on a tablet but not too bad. I’m using the WordPress app for the Playbook. Besides, I don’t call what I do typing by any stretch. It’s more like a hunt-n-peck with a little bit of speed…not accuracy. lol I’ve got to test whether I can upload videos to my YouTube channel but that’ll be another day.

I’m not one to complain and it’s smokin’ hot ouside but I’m gonna call somebody because it’s freezing in here at the libray. Last seek when I came in here I could only stay for about an hour because my teeth were chattering. Today, I have on a sweat jacket and I’m just as cold as I was last week. And I’m not the only one here dressed like it’s early winter.I know that public places probably need some air conditioning but damn, it’s almost August and folks got jackets on…in the South!!! Granted commercial accounts pay a lower rate for electricity than you and I, but to me this is such a waste of money and doubly so with local governments budgets strained to the max.

Oh I also have recently (in the last 3 months) cut the cord by getting rid of my land-line phone. I decided to go with a prepaid phone from Straight Talk. I guess that means I’ll be doing a couple of reviews in the future.

TTYL

I’ve Been Tagged by Naturallybeautifulbelle!!

I’ve been tagged by MStokes2008 over at Naturallybeautifulbelle.  Girl, I’m so sorry that it has taken me soooo long to respond to this tag as I looked at the date of the post. It was over a month ago. 😦   But it was on my birthday! 🙂  OK I have delayed long enough so on to the questions.

1. What is your favorite color and why?

  • As I grow in my understanding of nature I’ve come to love almost all colors but  purple, more specifically purples that are more red than blue are my favorite. I don’t really know why but this color makes me feel good. Orange runs a very close second and as weird as this may sound I really like combining those two colors.  I tend to like colors that are  “warm” and saturated.

2. What is your zodiac sign and do you think it describes you?

  • I’m an Aries Sun and yep that point alone describes me to a degree but it’s not the whole picture. It’s only after getting to know
    Aries in Fire

    Aries in Fire (Photo credit: Rainbow Gryphon)

    me a bit will you get a hint that I might be an Aries. Since I’m an astrology student so I know that we are more than our Sun sign. It’s been fun to observe and listen to people talk including myself because we act and speak our birth chart.

3. What is your favorite thing to cook or bake?

  • Interesting that this question is right after the “what is your zodiac sign and do you think it describes you?”  Aries is the warrior, the athlete, the pioneer etc. I think you see where I’m going with this. So the answer is: Nothing!  Don’t get it twisted  because I know how to cook and I do cook. It just not something I like to do. If it were not so expensive and unhealthy to eat out, I’d be eating out everyday and I’d be like “what’s a stove for?” 😉
4. If you could do one thing to change the world for the better, what would you choose?
  • Not sure if this would be considered one thing but that would be to BE ME. Please don’t misunderstand and think that I’m being conceited and think I’m all that. I say this because I believe that every person has been given a set of gifts that are to used for the  betterment of the world.  Because of greed we are brainwashed and forced into being someone who we are not. This behavior serves to stifle our talents and abilities…the very gifts that are to help us and others live better lives.

5. What is your favorite movie of all time?

  • The Matrix

6. If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?

  • I’d first make my home super energy efficient including adding things to take advantage of passive solar heating and cooling, solar panels etc. I’d then finish the vision I have for the garden, including a serious water storage tank. The rest will go in the bank(s) for my future.

7. What is a scent that brings back happy memories to you? And what memory does it bring to you?

  • Hmm, I guess it would be the smell of a lake/stream or river. I reminds me of  times as a child and adult riding my bike.

8. If you could study anything in college and get a job that guaranteed you’d love in your field, what would you study?

  • I honestly can’t answer that question because I’m still on the journey of self discovery and I have sooo many interests I have not found what I’m truly passionate about.
9. Paper or plastic and why? (cash or card)
  • Plastic right now only because I get cash back on my card…all for money that I’m spending anyway. When they decide to stop the cash back, it’ll be back to cash for me.
10. What is your one guiltiest pleasure?
  • Sweets and it’s definitely more than one! 🙂
11. If you could pick any vacation, all expenses paid for a week, where would you go and what would you do?
  • I’d go to visit a dear friend in Sweden. We’d probably get no sleep whatever because of seeing all the historical sites ( I’m a history buff and love old architecture) and from non-stop talking.
Now I don’t have 11 folks to tag but I will tag the following:
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